So i saw my first article got some views. very cool. thank you. this is good for us. you and me.

i like to scroll through facebook videos, which its a very millennial thing to say. btw, how ridiculous are the generation labels. the only people who like them are the genz things that made them.

“lol” (drowning man)

one day the sun was shining and my corn was growing on sweet Kansas American soil and the next morning i was told i was a millennial and genzi and jennx were the new generations.

its like…OK BRO if its that important for you YOU to have a special name go ahead.

But i think its pretty clear that millennials and boomers didn’t come up with this. nobody picks those names. You pick a name like fucking Gen-Z , sounds like a gay zorro.

That’s Not a bad thing!

Gen x sounds like corrupt techno teletubies, which i think they are. speaking of corrupt, our boy Beiber is not doing good

Thats someone i often think of when i feel down, he had it bad, he still does….maybe Britney spears could understand him a bit. IDK really. I cant imagine how it must be for him to see himself on tv before Pshiddy camp took place…..with the glimmer.

He had a good glimmer. Its gone.

What the fuck happened to his parents? they sold their son into a sex trafficking ring is what happened. IMO i don’t know but….they said yes. They stopped protecting him.

He put out that song lonely. its a heartbreaking song.he wont be right for a while we should pray for him and his family to be healthy and safe. But you know what….these things affect me. Peoples problems are troubling to me. To an extent i dont think martyrdom is right….jesus dd that. Im not christain or religious im just saying he did that.

we evolved to a higher level of love…we are not martyrs we are now observers. trust G-D let them walk them path and everything will be ok. We cant and i think should not shield a person from their own Karma lest we cause more problems. To be powerless has alot of feelings.

Anyway… as i was saying i like to watch you tube videos. btw im kind of ADHD if you have not noticed, personally i think its way more interesting to keep changing the topic. but i do come back to it i create tapestries and quilts not pillow cases. My teachers never agreed with that logic. But i watch these videos and i always put outrages comments, true but outrages. call me George Washington cuz i never brush my teeth. (ugetit)

Not always, but like the other day there was this one where it was a 40 y/o (est.) white lady, looked like it was in Florida, it was a fried chicken joint and she had flip flops, which btw is not a problem. that’s fine. Im just giving the scene information.

So there she was in a puddle of grease infront of the register buying chicken… BUT it has been 18 minutes ad her chicken was not ready, which is pretty pathetic for a fast food chicken place. It was like KFC. SO….

making the chicken was a 23 y/o (Est.) cute black girl obviously not making the chicken a priority. i mean its been 18 min. what’s going on? so the florida alligator lady was rightfully very upset, in fact it turned that this day of all days was not THE day to mess with her chicken. (something about a crocodile was eating her son)

And i really understood that. Ive never gone swimming in a grease pool in a Florida chicken hut, but i could see by the heavy sweat build-up between her cleavage she was not interested in anymore excuses from the cute black girl. So she said…” this aint the day sweet heart…wheres my chicken!”

To which the girl responded…”why…cuz im black?!?”

than the croc dundees daughter in law said no! becuase your service sucks. no one gives a shit what you look like. I care about your service!. And the cute black actually didn’t respond because she knew she was beaten…defeated. The black card easily deflected by the florida crok-walker with the simple statement of….Its the service not the look.

This really hit home for me because i was really upset when i found out most black people dont like white people. First, i had no idea. Things seemed so great. Secondly, no one cares what color your skin is…..its the service. same for everyone. isn’t that what MLK wanted that we be judged by how fast we make chicken on a swampy florida afternoon. he called it our internal chicken heart – Our merit bone.

So i commented that, i dont how it will go over but like there was another one.

ery trajic. it wa a national disaster combined with a trajedy…yes the twin boy who was stabbed in the checst by the schoolmate (they made into a race thing not me) who was black. So what happened? first o mean….i watched the father give that interview and i cried, it broke my heart because that wasa good kid, a good dad, a good brother and a good mom….not perfect…no. Did dad possibly have a gambling addiction that was crippling the family?

we dont know. we just dont know. Could of been the ponies….could of been nothing. but i saw the interview.

Man….he said ” i forgive the boy who stabbed my son in the chest today…i forgave him immediately” i doubt he did, but he wanted to… but he also said he still was in shock. anyway….im just saying wtf was that?

zero service.

and than the twin dies in his twin brothers arm while the stabber takes a piss in the bush outfront?

“4 jezuskrysct”

he said i told him if he gets any closer ill kill him. not that exactly but he did. what kind of escalation is that? a push to a chest stab? you know why? because his parents told him to hate white people. that’s why.

the twin (who was the better twin if im being real…better grades, better mile time, better GF, just a bit a better) pushed him because the kid was in the teams personal section where they had their personal items. This stabber kid with a backpack on a sat? is sitting there being all sketchy. he refuses to leave gets pushed like he prolly deserved and because his parents and his community told him that white people hate you and will hunt you down he panicked! filled with fear and anxiety and stabbed the better twin. Just terrible.

So you know….i have opinions what can i say……. why do i think the dad was a degenerative gambler? i dont just made the story a bit funnier. to me …funnier to me. To ME. Maybe u2. Its good for us.

I had a friend for a while i used to be able to talk to like this. most people haven’t been damaged just enough to like this type humor but my friend was pretty sick too. It was great. He moved back to ny sadly. its so hard for me to find friends, i don’t think most people enjoy extended time with me, i barely do which is why i get it. But im trying to get better.

I think i come on too strong or too cold idk how to talk to people i honestly, I dont. Not as a civilian . Just in sales i do well, i have a mission and i have a mask and they are not rejecting me they are rejecting the product and company, its not personal. But the other thing is that i do recognize that most people aren’t as bereft of love, affection and social skills as me. I spent most days alone in a garage getting high. after a decade it catches up to you. and what should i say? haven’t figured it out yet.

btw the only work we do: – We become aware – the rest happens on its own. i cant cause any change within myself ever…i can only face the demons inside my soul and say ..yes, that too is me. the rest just hardens like a scab and falls off.

but sometimes i meet broken people and they are behind me in their healing so i cant talk to them….there so annoying. lol. kidding. no they are not….i was so broken for so long until one person gave me a chance and never left or pushed me away.im a long wat from normal but im not broken like i was. The storm didnt go away, i just began to fly above it.

Everyone has the possible heavenly commandment to free a prisoner that is trapped in a cage. A prisoner who was captured from war and now is locked away in a cage. There is a commandment in the Torah the old testament(the less important one as the Christians call it).

God says if you see the prisoner, i want you to PLEASE FREE THEM!

Do yo know what a prisoner in a cage looks like?

do you know… you may hold the key?

if you see them you have to try to open the gate. Because if you free them…the glimmer returns and you did that. its a gift of sight, certain people can see certain prisoners. they need you. just try.

If you see one, its because YOU have the key. I thank God every day i was freed, still alot of work to do but wow what a difference. before i was literally dead, people thought i was a sociopath, i thought so too. I was bizarrely numb and indifferent and nonchalant to a disturbing level.

I was a prisoner captured by pain, living in fear, shackled by self-doubt, unable to step into that good sunlight.

I never thought there was anything in me that was good or special or likeable or anything and so ofc no way that anyone else saw that. But i made a friend who gained my trust over a long period of time and he made me think i was missing something, that he clearly liked me, he loved me we were best friends. I thought everyday would the last day we spoke, i thought this will be the day he realizes he doesn’t like me and just felt sorry for me this whole time. the day never came. i was able to see through his eyes for a moment and i saw a glimpse of the Truth.

I saw more than i knew i was.

I was Free. ( I still tear up thinking about it )

I CRY EVERYTIME I HEAR JONNY CASH SING AMAZING GRACE. THATS MY BOY. RIP

So lookout for the prisoners….they need help.